Shortly after I entered into my self publishing experiment, I created a website. Quickly after that, I revamped the website (like a gazillion times). Each time I did so, I was looking for the right feel that worked for me, who I am, and what I wanted my pad in virtual-land to look like. In other words, what I was searching for was the right platform for me. Okay, well that might not be what the experts call it. They probably call it web presence–which is a great term for it. Because yes, this blog and the pages on this website do make up my presence in the virtual webby world. (You know that world where whatever you put out there sticks and never goes away? Yeah, it’s a sticky, tangled web that we weave. Just great. That’s all I need. A place where there are no mulligans. Lucky me.)
This is the part where I cringe and mutter out loud (yeah, like you’re surprised finding out I’d actually mutter something like this in mixed company)… but *insert whiny voice* web presence is so much more than that. It’s social media, emails, tweets, facebook, developing relationships with virtual strangers, oh and did I mention that this includes anything and everything in this virtual world that triggers my introverted scientist geek-self to break out in sweats whenever someone mentions, Let’s video chat! Video chat? Are you kidding me? Why the hell would I want to let anyone see me as I usually am in front of the computer with my hair akimbo and no makeup? Don’t they know that I’m not photogenic? What no makeup is the in thing? Let your natural beauty shine through? Seriously? Do people really believe that?
Okay, so that whole natural beauty thing sort of implies that I’ve got some self esteem issues. (lol, I said sort of and followed it up with some. LOLO, yeah, I’m not dancing around that mulberry bush very well, am I?)
Yeah and so on that note, I need to fess up and tell you the point to this psychobabble-E-random thought-slash-shine-a-flashlight-in-the-deepest-darkest-corners-of-my-warm-and-fuzzy-center… blog post. That and this post is all Qwillia Rain’s fault. Why? Because she handed me the damned batteries to shove into the equally damned flashlight that lead to me jaunting down this merry path whispering, Here, scary, scary fear… it’s time to leave your comfort zone.
Leave my comfort zone? Are you freaking kidding me??!!! I’m not leaving this zone no matter how many bombs you drop on my Snuggie laced shelter. I don’t care that I was inadvertently directed to Kristen Lamb’s site where she pointed out logical, valid reasons in a well scripted blog post that explained why Comfort Zones Are For Pets–Not Professionals. I’m not gonna do it. I refused to do it. *stomp, stomp, stomp* And that’s F-I-N-A-L. (harumph, take that.)
Yeah right, like Qwillia or Kristen are losing any sleep over me executing a flawless temper tantrum in the above paragraph.
They may not be, but I sure as hell am. Losing sleep, that is. And as an 8 hours a night of zzz‘s kind of gal… that’s not good. On so many levels.
The why I stomped my metaphorical feet is complicated, yet simple. Simple in that I am and have been immersed in a comfort zone. Happily immersed in it. The complicated has to do with how to get out of it. I say complicated, because anytime that I push through a fear… it’s a big deal to me. It’s important. It makes me stop and think. I don’t run through them. Never have. It’s not in my nature. Instead–being a creature of logic and habit who strives to do things right the first time–I methodically work my way through the fear to uncover the source of it, destroy that source, and, ergo, destroy the fear. Permanently.
So see me accepting Q’s challenge and the one mentioned on Kristen’s blog post… then see me shining that damned flashlight into my darkest, deepest corners where I discover not only the root of my social media fear, but the effing answer to what’s been bugging me about my whole experiment-slash-adventure into self publishing land.
Yeah, I’d give you all the deets on the whole damn thing, but it’s late and I’ve already lost enough sleep this week… so I’m signing off for the night. I’ll be back next week to rant about Stop One on my journey of self-exploration… that gem of a post will have everything to do with how my Self Esteem impacts my ability to commit to social media. And just because I’m a kind soul who thorughly enjoys sharing the pain… here’s something to consider as you enjoy the rest of this week… an article about what self esteem is and the 2 questions to ask yourself that measure your self esteem.
Until next week… when I’ll be returning from multiple much needed trips to an amusement park over this holiday weekend… take care, safe driving, and happy reading!